


No Secrets in the Drift

by Fragile_Porcelain



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies), Pacific Rim 2018
Genre: Big Gay Love Story, Big Sister Mako, Break Up, Childhood Friends, Childhood Sweethearts, Depressed Jake Pentecost, Destructive Behavior, Drinking (18/19) years old, Drunk Sex, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Female Parts Jake Pentecost, Good Guy Nate Lambert, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Intentional Fighting, Jaegers (Pacific Rim), Kaiju Blue Sickness, Loss of Pregnancy, M/M, Male Friendship, Mpreg, Other, Post-Drift (Pacific Rim), Relationship Issues, Secret pregnancy, Secrets, Self-Destruction, Spoilers, The Drift (Pacific Rim), Trans Male Character, Trans Male Jake Pentecost, Underage Drinking, military life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-06-30
Packaged: 2019-04-25 17:55:24
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,234
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14383950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fragile_Porcelain/pseuds/Fragile_Porcelain
Summary: Jake had known Nate for most of his life. They had grown up together. They had been best friend from the time they could walk. Jake had loved him almost as long. A drunken night brought out both their feelings. They ended up in Nate’s bunk, naked and tangled together. It was hot, intense, and left Jake carrying the other man’s child. Out of fear, Jake intensely picks a fight with his co-pilot, ruining their friendship, and new found love. Jake leaves a confused and heartbroken Nate behind.Years later, fate (and Jake’s reckless behavior), caused him to reenlist, forcing him to see the man he had been avoiding for years. Unknowing how Nate would take the news, Jake says nothing.However, when you drift with someone, there are no secrets.





	1. Reenlisting

“Reenlist.” Mako orders.

 

“I’m not going back.” Jake argued as he sat across from the hologram of his sister. He and Amara had just been arrested. Jake was beyond furious. But dread filled him at the idea of going back to the Shatterdome. “I’m too old to be a cadet.” He argued, trying to find any way out.

 

“I don’t want you to be a cadet. I want you to train them.” Mako clarified.

 

“I won’t go back… I can’t go back. You know why I can't go back.” Jake felt defeated. Not many people know why he really left. Mako knew. He had to tell someone. After his father died, Mako was his only family left. Across the table, the woman’s face softened.

 

“Nate hasn’t been the same since… He doesn’t smile, not like he used to. Not like when…”

 

“Mako, don’t…” Jake warned, his heart couldn't take it.

 

“He asks about you,” Jake fell silent, the notion striking something inside him. A low feeling deep in his heart, which made it ache. “Every time I see him, he asks how you are. He misses you, even if he doesn’t say it out loud. And you miss him,” Mako silence the man as he tried to argue.

“You need to go to him, talk to him, and tell him what happened. He will understand. You could start over. Together.” Her hand reach for him. Jake didn’t even think as he reached for her. Her form pixelating as he was met with the cold steel of the table, instead of the warmth of the woman’s flesh.

 

"That will never happen, you know that. He couldn't... wouldn't forgive me. Not after... everything. If he ever found out..."

 

“Come back or go to jail. I have a transport waiting for the two of you.” Mako pulled her little brother out of his head.

 

“Two?” Jake questioned confused. “No, not that kid.”

 

“See you soon. Don’t forget to talk to him.”

 

“Mako!” Jake tried to argue. But the woman’s image was gone. Jake sat in the interrogation room, alone.  Fear filled him. He didn’t want to go back, and face Nate. But he didn’t want to go to jail either, fearing for his own survival. If someone in prison found out what he was, how he was different, they would torture him in the worst way. He would never make it out alive.

 

“Let’s go.” One of the guards ordered opening the door. There was a long hesitation before Jake as out of the room.  He couldn’t go to jail.

 

He didn’t talk as the helicopter flew over the ocean. It was a long flight, but he had other things on his mind. He played his last conversation with Nate over and over again. A dark pit growing in his stomach each time he recalled the words he had said to the other man. He had known Nate since they were 5 years old, he knew all the man's weak spots. He hated how he had used them against the man he cared so much about. He remembered the crushing pain that shot across the man's face when Jake told him their nights tighter had been a mistake. He could still feel the sting on his hand from where it connected with Nate’s face.

 

Five years and thousands of miles between them didn’t stop the pain in Jake’s heart from all that he had done.

 

He was jolted from his memories as the helicopter landed hard on the tarmac. With a hesitation, Jake unbuckled from the jumpseat. He took several deep breathes, trying to control the worry bubbling in his chest. His legs felt like jelly as he walked towards the Shatterdomb. It seemed so different, colder almost.

 

“I don’t even know why I’m here.” Amma indicated, looking as lost as Jake felt.

 

“You build your own Jaeger, they like that kind of stuff.” Jake explained. He adjusted his backpack, wanting something to do with his hands.

 

“I didn’t believe it when they told me you were coming back.” A voice caught their attention, and Jake’s heart stopped.

 

“Lambert.” Jake couldn’t meet the man’s eye. But he noticed the scar that run below the man’s left eye. It hadn’t been there before, not since their fight. He never expected he would leave such a mark on the man, he never wanted that. He hated himself for leaving a single mark on the man's porcelain skin.

 

“That’s Ranger Lambert, to you Pentecost.” Nate corrected him. He sounded as sour as Jake felt.

 

“Pentecost?” Amma questioned. "Like Bad ass Stacker Pentecost? The savior of, basically, the world?"

 

“Shut up!” He ordered the child. She glared at him. "It's just a name." Jake had never cared about his name. At one time he had hoped to share Nate's name. Jake had always imagined what it would be like to now longer share the name with the greatest Jaeger pilot in the world. He hoped some of the weight that always rested on his shoulder.

 

“This must be the new cadet.” Nate turned his attention to the child; Jake was happy it was no longer on him. “Let’s get you squared away.” He turned to leave, with Amara at his heels. Jake hesitated, remembering how much he liked watching Nate walk away.

 

Jake stood silent as Amara was left with the other recruits. He had nothing to say, and a million things to say. He wanted to talk with the man but couldn’t find his voice. They stood together, beside the door that had once been theirs. Jake remember all that had happened when he saw the bunk in the corner. It had been the first place they laid together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_… General Michael Lambert, Nate's father, had arrived at the Shatterdome. Jake had always hated the man. He was harsh, cold, mean, even in comparison to Stacker. Nate was always on edge when his father was around; always trying to be the 'Ace' he claimed to be. He didn't smile like he normally did, his expression so much like his father that if make Jake's stomach sick. When Nate chose Hardship, a category 4 Kaiju for their training, Jake had warned him against it. They had been working up that one, but each time had failed.  With his father watching, Nate had something to prove._

_It had been a losing battle. They were only kids, and no match for the monster. They had fought and lost. Nate ended up bucking himself from the simulator and dislocating his shoulder. Michael had been so angered at his son's failure he forced the boy to train for hours afterwards, with his shoulder still out of place._

_Jake stayed by his side, easily reading the pain on the other boy's face as they ran. It was raining and they were both covered in layers of mud. Jake couldn't feel his feet or hands. He refused to leave the other, even though Nate had been the only one ordered to run the eight-mile track around the Shatterdome._

_Jake feared the idea of leaving his friend; knowing that if Nate fell, he wouldn't get back up. He made sure he was there every time Nate stumbled. He would hold the other boy's shaking body, fearing the pale look in the other boy's blue eyes. Standing together made Jake a little less cold._

_"You... You should go back." Nate had pleaded with him, his teeth chattering. Jake didn't know if it was from the cold or shock. His injured arm cradled and limp against his chest. Jake had torn part of his shirt and used it as a sling to help._

_"I'm not going to leave you." Jake argued. His arms still holding the other boy. They basically had to yell over the sound of the ragging storm. It made the dark night even darker, like running into a dark abyss._

_"Don't be an idiot." Nate argued pulling away._

_"I'm friends with you, that makes me an idiot." Jake scuffed, following as Nate began his stumbled run once more._

_It had taken hours before they were back at the Shatterdome. Jake was basically carried the other boy. Nate had gone limp several miles ago. Jake had carried him back. Even as other rushed to help them, Jake brushed them off. He didn't let Nate go until they were both safe in the infirmary. Jake fell over, exhausted, only caring about the fact that Nate was fanially safe._

_He woke hours later, to the smiling face of his friend. Nate sat in a bed beside him in the hospital room. The room normally didn't house more than one patient at a time. Jake looked to his friend confused. Nate seemed to know what he was thinking._

_"You screamed and fought until they put us together. They claim it's some side effect from our drift."_

_"oh," was all that Jake could muster, he didn't remember that happening. He had so much else to say, but instead the nurse came in._

_He had mild frostbite of his fingers and toes. Nate did also. The lengthy time with Nate's shoulder out of place had caused nerve damage, and he might not regain feeling in his hand. The idea made Jake furious and he huffed as they were released to the bunks. Doctor ordered 24 leave with no trainings. They needed to rest._

_"I hate your father, Nate." Jake explained angrily once they were safe inside their bunks. Jake took the top bunk, seeing that Jake was still tender and didn't have the strength to pull himself up. The other cadets were out training and wouldn't be back for hours. Michael had left while they were running, without a word to his son. "I hate him."_

_"I know. I know." Nate sighed, sounding defeated. They lay in silence for several minutes. "Thank you, Jake. Without you... I don't... I don't think..." Jake could hear the broken sound in the boy's voice. His own heart breaking as he heard the boy sob._

_Jake didn't even think as he get down from his bunk. He had the boy in his arms in a second. Nate's body shook as he cried. All the pain and hurt pouring from his eyes. Jake just held him, his hand rubbing reassuring circles into the boy's back._

_"I'd never leave you, Nate. You're my best friend. My co-pilot." Jake reassured him. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You are so much better than him."_

_Slowly Nate's tears had fallen silent. Yet, they still sat in the bunk, arms wrapped around each other. Jake wasn't surprised when he heard Nate's snoring. Nate was always so strong, undefeated. But in that moment, he was hurt, sad and exhausted. Jake didn't think as he adjusted them on the bed or they would lay down, resting Nate's head on this chest. Jake placed the blanket over them. He didn't care, he needed Nate as much as Nate needed him. They slept for hours, together in the corner bunk._

_When they finally woke, neither said anything. Nor did any of the other recruits, who had no doubt seen them laying together. Everything went back to normal. Nate was cocky, smart, undefeatable. Jake at his side. Their recent experience making them even more compatible. Their drift taking only seconds to calibrate. They were the perfect team._

_At night they would lay awake, separated by a steel bed frame. The barracks would be filled with snoring, but neither could sleep. No until Nate would slip from the top bunk and under the covers beside Jake. Their shoulder would be the only thing touching in the small space, and their heads beside each other on the small pillow. They could only find sleep sharing the same space. It was something that continued, through childhood, into adulthood; until Jake left._

_He hadn't had a goodnight's sleep since then..._

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Your quarters are this way.” Nate ordered, pulling Jake from his memories. They were some of the best times he could remember. Nate with him, telling jokes, laughing, until they fell asleep side by side. He hated himself for letting them grow so far apart. Hating that that he was the reason.

 

Even after years apart, Nate still knew that faraway look in the other man's eyes. Nate was sure Jake was remembering the same things he thought about all the time. The warmth shared between them as they lay together. Two lost, forgotten children who found each other. Nate remembered the last time he saw his father. He remembered the pain, fear and failure that filled him. He remembered Jake's words of reassurance, and comfort. He remembered never feeling as safe as he did with the other. Nate had never slept as soundly as with the other man beside him.

 

They stayed silent as they went through the halls, an awkward tension between them. Both remembering a past that seemed so far away. Nate replayed everything that happened, wondering what he had done wrong to drive the man from him. So many times, they had promised to be there for each other, to never leave. Now, they walked as strangers down hallways that had once been home.

 

“Here you go.” They stopped before one of the large doors.

 

“Who… Whose room was this?”

 

“My ex-copilot Jensen. He found more money in the private sector.” Nate explained. He had liked Jensen. They drifted alright, but it wasn't the same. Nate had drifted with many different people in the years since Jake. But it hadn't been the same. He and Jake aligned so perfectly. At least Nate always thought so, Jake apparently had other ideas.

 

“Oh.” Was all Jake could muster. A bitterness rising in his stomach. He and Nate had been co-pilots for 15 years. It was stupid for him to think that Nate couldn't pilot after he left. But he had hoped. "Did you fuck him to?" Jake asked bitterly, finding no enjoyment as he watched Nate's face fall.

 

"What if I did? Huh?" Nate questioned, angrily crossing his arms over his chest. It was a traditional mad Nate stance. The man's question had been such a low blow, it almost knocked Nate off his feet. "You were the one that walked away, remember. Or did you forget.? You were off partying, playing, stealing and sleeping with who knows what. I was here, working to protect everyone, training cadets to be pilots." Nate yelled, catching everyone's attention in the hallways. They gave the men a cross look. Nate straightened, lowering his voice. "You have no right, to come here and question me about my life."

 

 “Nate…” Jake began trying to apologize. He had been out of line. Nate was right, he had no right, no ground to stand on. Nate had been training, working, saving people. Jake had just been running. Nate cut him off.

 

“I have to go. There’s work to do.” Nate was quickly away; leaving the other man to look after him longingly.

 

Nate waited until he was out of the Shatterdome before his knees gave out. He used the cold steel wall to support him as he slid into the dirt. His words had been so cold, they tasted sour on his tongue. When Mako called him to inform him that Jake was coming back, Nate didn't know how to feel. Scared. Relieved. Angry. Sad, Hopeful.

 

For five years he had been worrying about the man, every minute he could spare. His heart breaking each time an offence was added to Jake's rap sheet; Theft, vandalism, stealing, breaking and entering, along with fifty other offences were on the man's record.

 

_Jake is back, now. He's Safe. He's home._

 

Nate's brain screamed at him over and over. He sat with his head in his hands as he regretting everything that had happened. Nate wanted to go to him, to hold him and feel that man's arms around him once more. But Jake had made it clear, five years ago on the night he left. Jake hated him and never wanted to see him again. He really wanted to hate Jake for all he had done and said.

 

He regularly recalled all Jake's harsh word. He remembered the tears that streaked down his face as he was tore apart. All the vulnerabilities he had ever shared with the man targeted, like knives in his heart. He recalled the way his skin burned when Jake's fist landed on his cheek. It was a cold awakening. Jake, someone had once promised to protect him, was the one hurting him. Each time he looked in the mirror, to see the scar Jake left in his skin, he wanted to hate the man.

_I hate you, Jake..._

_I still loved you, Jake._

 

Nate brushed off the thought. He needed to clear his head. He stood and began the 8-mile run around the Shatterdome. He needed to clear his head. No better way to do that than running the track that almost killed him once.

 

Jake lay in the bunk looking at the steel ceiling. It felt more like prison then any cell every could.  When he was young, and had Nate by his side, the Shatterdome had been his home. Now, it was a bitter reminder of all that happened. Nate's words echoed in his head. Guilt filling him, he had said the words to made himself feel better. But he felt worse than he had in years. Regret filled him in that moment almost as much as the night he left. He found an unsettling sleep wondering how he was going to survive with himself.


	2. Co-Pilot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nate and Jake were in an experimental pilot program, training children to be pilots very early. Nate and Jake first drift at age 5. Nate and Jake interaction with Michael Lambert at age 10. Innocent action didn't turn intimate/sexual until both were over 18. No underage. Estimated Jake leaving the Shatterdome at 20. Returning in Uprising at 25.

Jake woke to the beeping of his com-unit. He looked around his small quarters confused. It took a long moment to remember all that happened. It came crashing back into him, landing heavy on his shoulders. His com continued to beep. He groaned, having hoped it was all a bad dream and that he was 20 once more. Maybe than he could redo everything that happened.

 

"Yeah?" He pressed the button on his wrist.

 

"We go training, 10 minutes. Training arena 4." Nate ordered, saying nothing more as he disconnected the call.

 

"Perfect." Jake rolled from the bed. He would need to hurry if he didn't want to be late. He arrived just minutes before the cadets. Nate gave orders, and Jake just stood, watching.

 

"How am I supposed to pilot in this thing? It smells like feet." Amara complained.

 

"I don't want excuses cadet!" Nate snapped. Jake looked at him cross. Nate was never one to raise his voice, especially to children. He was always to calm, level headed. He always had a teaching side to him, which made him such a great Ranger.

 

"You put them against Hardship, a category 4 opponent." Jake argued

 

"The young they are the better connection that they make. Or have you forgotten?" Nate challenged, a bitter reminder in his voice. Jake said nothing. Turning his attention away from the man.

 

"Vic, Suresh show our new recruit how it's done." Nate ordered, smirking to himself. He had shut up Jake's argument. "Unless you have something to say?" Nate challenged, his eyes weighting heavy on the man beside him. 

 

"Nothing you'd like to hear." Jake bit back. Convinced that he was right.

 

The man's argument seemed more valid to Nate as the Kaiju ate through recruits. No team had beaten him. After hours of trying, everyone was frustrated and distraught. They looked exhausted. Nate did feel sorry for them. He didn't know if Jake noticed, but he had chosen the same challenged that had caused him to dislocate his shoulder years ago. He thought it would be a bitter reminder for Jake. It sure was for him. His should twanged in pain each time they reach the point in the simulation when he rejected himself from his lock. Still to this day, he had no feeling in his pinky, or outer arm. It was a consent reminder of what arrogance costed. 

 

"Alright, let's call it a day." He ordered, and the cadets sighed in relief. They were quickly out of the arena, talking lightly amongst themselves. Jake followed close behind them, branching left towards his quarters. Nate watched him go, his pride preventing him from agreeing that the training had been too difficult.

 

Jake struggled to watch the cadets. The simulation had been too hard. He had been right. But Nate's pride prevented him from stopping it. Jake didn't miss how the simulation was one where he almost lost his best friend all those years ago. He watched Nate stand there, and watch the kids get slaughtered, just as Michael had watched them. The same smirk on his face that reminded Jake to much of Michael. It made his stomach churn. He couldn't stand to be in the same room as the man, he retreated to his quarters as soon as Nate dismissed the cadets, he couldn't look at the man anymore.

 

_Maybe, five years really has changed him_

 

Jake thought as he lay in his quarters. The event of his first day back in the Shatterdome had exhausted him, emotionally and physically. He needed to recharge, if not, this place would kill him.

 

Nate finished his report. Making sure to use encouraging words. He had been angry at himself, and Jake. He shouldn't have taken it out on the children, but he had. He was not proud of himself. He headed for the Mess, hoping for a good meal. He found a table of distraught looking cadets, pushing food around their places.

 

"Hey," he approached the table, the kids quickly straightened to attention. "At ease." He ordered, almost annoyed. They returned to their low, slough of defeat. "You guys did good today."

 

"We lost." Amara scuffed.

 

"And that's how you learn. Don't beat yourselves up about it, he is a hard challenger. You'll get him next time. Have a good night, Cadets." Nate quickly retreated to the officers table. Noticing that the kids held themselves a little higher as they ate their dinner. Nate couldn’t help but smile.

 

He picked at his food. It wasn't that he wasn't hungry. He was just buying time. Any minute Jake would come through the doors, He would sit at the table across from Nate. It would be like old times. Maybe the beginning of something new. It was hope that filled him, then was crashed at each person that entered the hall who wasn't Jake.

 

Nate shot glances to the mess door. Jake hadn't come to eat and there was only ten minutes left before dinner was over. Jake hadn't eaten at all that day (not that Nate was watching him). Worry filled him as he finished eating and began his search for the man. He explored all the places Jake and he used to hide in, including the ventilation shaft above where the Jaegers were housed. That had been his favorite place.

 

Although the squeeze was more difficult now, as children it had the best view of the large titans. They would sit together for hours, in the vent, talking about their future and how they would be the best pilots ever. They would take on hundreds of Kaiju and never loose. Looking back now, that seemed like wishful thinking of children. Nate stayed in the vent for several minutes, thinking about how Jake was always by his side in every future he imagined.

 

_Now, we didn't even talk._

 

Jake woke with his stomach growling. It was dark, almost midnight according to his clock. He rolled from the bed, throwing a robe over his shirt; too tired to change into his uniform. He wondered the halls for a long time, just trying to forget all the memories. The Shatterbome had been his home for most of his life. He remembered running through the halls with Nate on his heels. The would dodge the Rangers, convinced that when they grew up they would never be as grump as the old men that would always stop their fun. He loathed that he had become what he hated so long ago.

 

He found himself in the kitchen. Normally it was locked. Old man Montgomery ran the kitchen for a long as Jake could remember, and he was a controlling old man. The only way to get access to food was though the mess. Jake and Nate hated being told no. They had spent weeks trying to get the access code to the kitchen. Luck, and strategically placed mirrors granted them entry.

 

They ate themselves sick, only getting out minutes before Montgomery entered to start the day. No one ever knew they had the code, and they used it more than once. Those were good memories for Jake. He smiled as he punched in the code used so long ago, and the door popped. Montgomery was a creature of habit, Jake was glad of that in that moment.

 

He headed straight for the fridge. Pulling out everything that looked good, including a beer. When he heard a noise behind him, he froze. Fear filled him and he worried, as he slowly turned. He let out a sigh as he saw Nate standing on the end side of the counter, looking confused.

 

"What... What are you wearing?" Nate questioned.

 

"It's soft." Jake argued, laying out all the food in his arms. "Besides, it brings some color into this place, less olive drab." Nate chuckled and rolled his eyes. Jake forgot how much he missed that sound. He turned away.

 

"Beer?" He offered, hoping to distract himself for the blue eyes of the man.

 

"Sure." Nate tried not to let his hand shake as he excepted the beer from the man. It was closest they had been in years. "Um... The ice creams in the other freezer." Nate already knew what the man was looking for. Jake had a huge sweet tooth.

 

"Yes!" Jake cried in triumph.

 

Nate watched the man work. He had looked everywhere for the other man. All their old spots. The kitchen was the last hope. Nate had to enter the code several times. He hadn't used it in years, not since Jake left. Nate had tried it once, on his own, but it wasn't the same. Memories of eating himself sick with Jake beside him were too hard to forget when in the small space. It hurt too much.

 

"Missed you at dinner." Nate stated after a long drag of him beer.

 

"Yeah, tired. Still trying to adapt, you know." Jake was buy scooping ice cream into his bowl.

 

"I went to your room, looking for you. I knocked, but you didn't answer."

 

"Like I said; I was tired. I was asleep."

 

"I thought, maybe, you left again."

 

"I don't get that option it's either say here with your pretty face or go to jail. I chose your pretty face." Jake explained, the words sounding harsher than he meant.

 

"That's the only reason?"

 

"No," Nate hated how his heart jumped. "I came to see if the chin implant set in. It looks good by the way." Jake rolled his eyes sarcastically. Nate chuckled, but his heart fell a little.

 

"Well, you did call me pretty. I'll take it." Nate sipped his beer.

 

"You were always pretty, Nate." Jake didn't look to the man or stop working.

 

"I... How many toppings do you need?" Nate questioned, his attention on the food instead of the man.

 

"Hey, don't dis my toppings, man!" Jake argued, adding more chocolate chips to the bowel. Nate's teeth hurt just watching the man. Nate chuckled and a silence fell over them.

 

"Jake..." Nate began, working up all his courage.

 

"Look, how long do the cadets have let?" Jake cut in.

 

"Six months."

 

"Perfect, I'll play solider with you. You give all the orders you want and I'll just nod by head and say _'Yeah, what he said.'_ The cadets will graduate and I'll get to go back to my life... and you can go back to yours. Deal?"

 

"Why would you want to go back to that life? Was it really that bad here... with me?" Nate questioned defeated.

 

"There are things... things you don't know about. I have to go, I can't stay here. Not with you."

  
"So, it's my fault?" Nate asked defensively. "I thought everything was fine. Then you just go and leave... And say... why didn't you tell me something was wrong. I could have changed or made things better Jake." Nate argued.

 

"It wasn't your fault. It was my fault, I got..." Jake hesitated. He should have just told the man. It was the perfect time.

 

_I got pregnant and the baby was yours. I didn't know what you would say, so I ran. I ran because I was scared of losing you. I don't want you to know what kind of monster I a,, so I never told you. Because I wouldn't have survived seeing the look of disgust in your beautiful blue eyes.  Then, I lost our child. I wouldn't image the pain it would cause, so I stayed away, to assumed to come back and to tell you why I ran. I'm sorry. So sorry._

But each time the words rose in his throat they refused to come up.

 

"It was me and I can't stay here, with or without you. Please, try to understand. When the cadets graduate, I will be leaving. Nate... I can't..."

 

"Okay," Nate agreed, his heart breaking. He could see the battle ragging in the man's eyes. He hated that being here, with him, caused Jake so much pain. "Be the good solider, pay your dues, and get out. Starting tomorrow. We had a meeting with Shoa industries for the new done program."

 

Nate abandoned the half-finished beer. He couldn’t be in the room with the man any longer. He left without hearing anything that Jake said. Nate retreated to his room. He was glad that it time was so late, that meant the hallways were empty and no one could see the tears that stung at his eyes.

 

Standing at the counter, alone in the dark kitchen, Jake felt sorrow feel his heart. He should have told Nate the truth. Once, not that long ago, they told each other everything. Sitting together in the early morning hours, laying shoulder to shoulder they had no secrets. Now, Jake's life was just one big secret. He hated it.

 

The ice cream tasted sour on his tongue. He put the almost full bowl in the sink and went to his room. He had a lot of thinking to do. He wished he was more like his father, Stacker always had a solution; even if it wasn't the best situation for himself.

 

Jake felt tired as he headed for the meeting. He hadn't slept well that night. His words (or the words that he hadn't said) echoed all night, preventing his brain from finding sleep. Mako had buzzed him, informing him that she would be coming in. Jake hope he could steal her away for a minute to talk. She always knew what to do, just like their father. Jake loved that about her.

 

He chose to stand as far away from Nate a possible to listen to the Shoa woman's proposal. He hated the idea of non-pilot controlling the drones. He had worked for this since he was 5 years old. He wasn't willing to give it up so easily. He couldn't stay and listen anymore, he was done. He left, not caring it if was rude. He went to one of the places he felt safe.

 

Gypsy was beautiful. There was always something about her armor, the way if shined. Jake loved it. I watched as the men touched up the seams. There was always some kind of maintenance needed on the Jaegers. Jake ran through Shoa's pitch again and again. He shouldn't care. In six months he was going to be gone, no longer a pilot. He shouldn't care. But he did.

 

"Hey," A voice caught his attention. He turned and smiled at his sister, Mako looked happy, but Jake knew her better. She was worried.

 

"Hey," He smiled back at her, just as worried. "You're swing vote on the council."

 

"Yes, but that's not important. How are you holding up? Have you talked to Nate?" Mako, leaned beside him overlooking the beautiful Titan.

 

"He and I used to side up here, talk about the rest of our lives." He remembered the warmth of Nate's hand in his as they stood side by side on the platform.

 

"Jake, have you talked to Nate yet?" Mako questioned again, knowing that he little brother was to dodge the topic.

 

"We came to an agreement. When the cadets graduate, I'm gone."

 

"Did you tell him? Tell him what happened?"

 

"No." Jake bit back in answer. Mako's face fell. "It's not important, it doesn't matter." Jake sighed. He quickly changed the topic. "How are going to vote?"

 

"I don't know."

 

"How about this, I'll go with you tomorrow... For moral support." Jake smiled, taking his sister's hand.

 

"I already requested Gypsy to be present." Mako explained, giving his hand a light squeeze. Jake looked at her confused, dawning falling heard on his shoulders.

 

"Nate doesn’t have a co-piolet... and we’re drift compatible."

 

"Exactly." She smiled at him. "I will see you tomorrow." Mako kissed his cheek before taking her leave.

 

"Yeah, tomorrow." Jake huffed.

 

Mako smiled as she started up the steps. She didn't miss the flash of movement as Nate retreated from where he stood on the upper panel, listening. She had known he was there, even if Jake hadn't noticed. She sighed to herself.  Her brother would face what happened, one way or the other.

 

After all, there are no secrets in the drift.


	3. Remind

He lingered, watching the work on the Jaeger, his Jaeger, before retreating to his room. He shifted on the bed, uncomfortable and feeling more than a little nervous about the drift tomorrow. Five years was a long time, alone in your own mind. He was only distracted when a knock came at the door.

 

He half expected it to be Mako. The other half expected it to be Nate, angry at having to be Jake's co-pilot again. He expected the man to be standing here, his strong chin held high, as he told Jake that he wasn't good enough to drift with him. He hadn't expected the tray of food that sat just outside the door. Jake looked around confused, the hallway was empty. He hesitated, he really was hungry. He pulled the tray in, glad for the warm meal.

 

Down the hallway and around the corner, Nate finally stopped running. He had knocked and ran as he fast as he could. Guilt preventing him from see the other man. He hadn't mean to eavesdrops on the sibling's conversation. Jake had looked upset when he left the meeting.  Nate just wanted to make sure he was okay. He stopped on the upper platform, when he heard Mako's voice.

 

_You should have left._

 

Nate scolded himself as he headed to the mess. The conversation that he heard had obviously been private and none of his business. But, once upon a time, he and Jake didn't have any secrets. Now, their lives seemed secret from the one another. He had chicken out, never saying the things he wanted. Instead he ran when Mako started up the steps; too scared to face the man. Nate couldn't get the conversation out of his head, replying all the things he should have said.

 

_We didn't come to an agreement, Jake didn't give me a choice. I don't want him to leave. I would give anything for him to stay. Whatever happened, it doesn't matter. God Jake, you're so stupid sometimes. I will understand, I just needed an explanation. Something. Anything. Please._

 

Nate was pulled from thoughts when he almost run right into Mako, who stood abruptly in his path. Nate took a deep breath, worry filled him. He had technically been spying on her, and she was his superior officer.

 

"Secretary-General." Nate straightened, unable to salute with the tray full of food in his hand.

 

"Come. We need to talk." She motioned after him. Nate followed, worry bubbled in his chest. They walked in silence out of the Mess and across the Shatterdome.

 

"I apologize. I didn't mean to eavesdrop on the conversation between you and Jake." Nate blurted as Mako closed the door to her office. Nate hadn't even made it three steps into the room. "I know it was private. I was going to check on Jake, he looked... upset." Nate continued, stumbling slightly. Mako was one of his heroes. He had known her most of his life. He respected her and even feared her a little.

 

The woman said nothing as she seated herself at the desk. She motioned him to sit and Nate quickly sat in one of the chairs before her desk. He food resting on his lab, the meatloaf looked less appetizing than normal. The sat in silence for several long minutes, Nate growing more and more nervous. Finally, Mako break the tense silence.

 

"I knew you were there."

 

"Oh." Was all Nate could muster.

 

"You know that I have requested Gipsy to be present for the council session tomorrow." Nate nodded. He had overheard it. "And that Jake will be your co-pilot." Nate nodded again, joy bubbling in his stomach. "I want to remind you, Jake is not the man that left here five years ago." Nate's face fell a little. The joy in his stomach simmered and stilling.

 

"Mako," Nate took a change, related to his best friend's sister, not his commanding officer. The woman raised an eyebrow at him. "Why did Jake leave?"

 

"It is not my place to tell you. But Jake is different from you... and me. He is... unique.  Jake was young... you were both so young. I hope you do not judge him to harshly. He made the choice that he felt was right. He still believes it was that best choice for him... and you. He still cares about you. And you care for him?"

 

"Yes." Nate didn't hesitate to answer. The woman's cryptic words rattling in his head.

 

"I believe everything will work out." She smiled at him. It made Nate feel lighter.  "Now, if you will excuse me, I have work I must prepare for."

 

"Yes, sir." Nate grabbed his tray of cold food and was quickly away finding that he wasn't hungry anmore. He ditched his try in the mess hall before retreating to his door. Mako's words fresh in his head.

 

  _But Jake is different from you... and me. He is... unique.  Jake was young... you were both so young. I hope you do not judge him to harshly._

 

Nate wondered what she could possible mean.

 

<<<<<<<<<<<>>>>>>>>>> 

 

Jake didn't sleep well that night. He woke multiply times, his attention falling on the blue Drivesuit that taunting him from the corner. It had been brought to his quarters late the previous night. He looked it over, even tried it on. If felt right, like coming home. He had spent so much of his life in Drivesuits, but this was the first time as a Ranger. He had quickly stripped out of it and hung it in the corner. If felt wrong, like he had somehow cheated. He hadn't worked his way to becoming a Ranger, not like Nate had.

 

A knock on the door ended the internal starting contest that Jake held with the unblinking uniform. He answered the door, not noticing that he only wore his boxers.

 

"What?" He questioned annoyed.

 

"Oh." Nate fell silent as he took in the man's appearance. Jake's body had always been toned, beautiful. Nate once knew every inch of the man’s skin. Nate couldn’t pull his attention from the long scar the ran from Jake’s shoulder across his body, stopping just above his navel. It was long, and jagged. Nate focused on it, unable to take his eye from it. It looked wrong against the man's onyx skin.

 

"Did you just come here to gawk at me?" Jake asked, annoyed. He retreated into his room, fetching a shirt, quickly slipping it on. He never wanted anyone, especially Nate, to see it. Mako knew about it, but she hadn't seen it. No one had.

 

"Sorry. I just..." Nate stumbled, blushing. "I just... You now medical has a scar unit. They can take care of that for you."

 

"I like it." Jake liked. "It's a good reminder."

 

"Reminder? Of what?" Nate questioned. He was more than a little tired of Jake and Mako's cryptic communication style.

 

"If doesn’t matter. Was there something that you wanted?"

 

"Yes... Yeah... We depart at 0700. I wanted to know if you needed help getting into you Drivesuit. It's been a while and they can be..."

 

"No thanks. I've got it." Jake bit back, trying and failing to be offended by Nate's offer. Before Jake left, they would always help each other into their Drivesuits. It was an intimate action, that involved a lot of skin, touching and kissing. Jake brushed the thought away, ignoring how the idea of the other man's hand on his skin made him hard.

 

"Thanks. I've got it. Now, if you'll excuse me." He quickly shut the door on the man, not caring how Nate looked like he more to say.

 

Nate looked at closed door confused. He hadn't mean to offend the man, and in reality, he had been one that needed the help. His shoulder wasn't as flexible as it had once been, and as the years continued, his range of motion had diminished significantly. He had a hard time putting on the shoulder plates. Normally, Jensen would help him. But it was never like it was with Jake.

 

With Jake, it was always so hot and heavy. Changing into their Drivesuits took an hour, sometimes two. Helping each other into the outfits was more like the ceremony, a worship of each other, then it was changing clothes. Their connection was always strongest when they were both on edge. Nate had once known every inch of Jake's skin; Taste, color, and texture, Nate knew it all. Jake knew just as much about his.  Nate blushed as he remembered the feel of Jake's lips on him; touching, tasting.

 

He missed that feeling, the closeness, intimacy that the two men shared. Nate missed it, he missed Jake. With a heavy heart, he headed to his quarters to begin the struggle of putting on the uniform.

 

Jake took his time changing. With each piece he slipped into, he remembered how it used to feel when Nate would dress him. Nate had always taken a long time, methodical is his approach. Jake had memorized each pass of the man's skin across his skin as he diligently made sure each piece was secure in the right place. It drove Jake crazy, in the best way. By the time Nate finished the top half of the uniform, Jake would be hard.

 

Jake wouldn’t be able to stop the sound he made as Nate kissed the inside of his thigh. Nate would only chuckle and slip on Jake's leg piece. By the time Jake was fully dressed, every nerve in his body would be singing. He would plead for Nate, but the other man would only laugh and stand back to admire his work.

 

Then it would be Jake's turn. He easily knew all the ways to drive Nate crazy. He had always loved the contract between their two skin tones. They were so opposite. It triggered something inside Jake, watching his hands glide over the man's pale skin. The sounds that Nate would make still haunted his fantasies. Nate was always so vocal, it drove Jake closer and closer. Jake would glare at the man's smirk as their lips collided.

 

 

Standing alone in the room with his cock throbbing below his codpiece, Jake missed the man more than he had in years. But there were other things to dwell on. If he didn't hurry, he would miss their departure. He finished dressing quickly, trying to block out his memories of what they used to be.

 

He made it to the shuttle bay with only minutes to spear. Nate was already there. A woman was helping him put on the shoulder piece of his armor. Jake had seen her around. He didn't like the way she smiled at Nate, as he thanked her. Jake set his jaw, not amused with the jealousy that bubbled in his chest.  He had seen the woman around. She was pretty enough but Jake didn't want her anywhere near Nate.

 

"Hey," He called, approaching the two. The smile on the woman's face fading. The smile on Nate's face increasing.

 

"Glad you know where everything goes." Nate joked.

 

"I guess I should have taken you up on your offer, I had more trouble than I thought I would. Seems you did also."

 

"Yeah, I'm not as young as I used to be." Nate smirked, not missing the looks that Jake shot at Jules. She had been in the dome for two years now. She was pretty, but not what Nate liked. Her skin was to light... and she was female. She was nice. Nate considered her a friend, even though he knew she wanted more. "Thanks for the help Jules," Nate gave the woman a dashing smile, which she returned.

 

"We gotta go." Jake ordered, grabbing the other man's arm. He pulled him away from the woman, and toward the Titan. Nate chuckled, easily allowing himself to be pulled along.

 

"Was that... Jealously I saw on your face?" Nate questioned as they entered the control chamber.

 

"No." Jake lied, angry with Nate and himself. "I don't care about what, or who you do. You're an adult. I don't care." Nate gave him a less then believable look.

 

"What if I told you, Jules and I are only friends?" He asked, nonchalantly, more than a little curious about the man's answer.

 

"Good for you. I don't care. I really don't." Jake clarified. He was busying himself by locking himself into the machine. Choosing to do anything besides look at Nate. "Besides, she wouldn't make you happy. She's too focused, wouldn't be able to be what you needed.”

 

"Not that you would care, right?" Nate questioned with a smirk, also beginning the lock-in sequence.

 

“Right. Exactly.” Jake brushed off the man.

 

“Gipsy Avenger prepared for launch?” a voice called over the intercom. They both reach for the button.

 

“Gipsy cleared for launch." They spoke simultaneously, shooting side glances at one another. After all their home together, they were still so in sync. Yet neither would admit it. The stood in silence as the titan was launched from the bay, carried away by several large helicopters.


	4. In the Drift

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains some violence, and blood. 
> 
> ****This Chapter contains spoilers****

“You just have to stand here and look pretty.” The general explained as they grew closer to the target. The busy Australian street blocked, and a large area cleared for them. “Prepare for neural handshake.”

 

Jake took a deep breath, fear in his stomach. It had been five years since someone’s else had been in his head. Worried filling his about what the past might bring up. He held his breath, as he felt the connect of Nate' s mind with his.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

_Jake remember the feel of the bar stool. They were the most comfortable seats he had found, at least in a bar. He had just run away from the academy, finding himself in a run down Californian bar. The rotting skeleton on a Kaiju only one hundred yards away._

_He sipper his cranberry juice, recalling how the doctor explained how he needed to stay hydrated. Especially now that he was pregnant. His attention focused on the bruise that ran along his knuckles. He still could see the pained look on Nate's face and the hurt in his eyes._

_Jake had never hated himself more then he had in that moment. He had hit Nate, someone he loved and always promised to protect. He had hit him so hard he knocked Nate out. Sitting in the bar, it was so fresh in Jake's mind. He wished he could drink but wasn’t going to risk his child._

_He was pulled from ordering another drink, when a hard ran along his shoulder, the touch making his skin crawl. Jake remembered how foul the man's breath smelled, and how his crooked teethed smiled back at him. Jake didn’t like him._

_“What’s a handsome thing like you, doin’ in a dive like this.” The man had asked._

_“Look, I just want to be alone.” Jake brushed his hand away._

_“You must be new ‘round here. You don’t seem to know who I am. I own this joint, I run this neighborhood. I get what I want, and I want you.” Jake remembered the pain when the man's hand gripped his face. He remembered the fear, as several men circled around his stool. He remembered how his hand went to guard his low on his stomach, instinct taking over._

_“Oh, are you one of those special kinds? A Kaiju Blue Baby? A mixed kinda breed to be bred.” The man words were cold and around him the other men made sounds of interest. It was sickening and make Jake’s stomach tighten into knots._

_“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Jake lied, pulling his hand away. He had always hated the nickname that was given to him, and others like him. It was first used as a medical term, now it was a derogatory name. Jake hate it._

_“There's only one way to find out.” The man's hands were on him once more, along with many other pairs._

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

Nate took a deep breath, following Jake into the drift. It was being pulled underwater. The drift consuming everything around him as he was submerged. When he sufficed, he was in a memory. Jake’s memory.

 

The bar was trashy. Smoke filled the air and made it hard to see. A group of large men stood in the corner, playing pool. Jake sat at the bar, drinking something fruity. Nate wanted what it would have been. Jake had always been a beer drinker, the glass of red liquid looked out of place.

 

“Jake.” Nate yelled trying to get the man's attention. He hoped that if he could pull Jake back, they wouldn’t get lost. Jake didn’t hear him.

 

A man approached. He was skinny, unhealthily skinny. His skin seemed to flake from his bones. Nate didn’t like him. Nate stood on Jake’s other side, an angel standing opposite the devil of a man.

 

“Jake, listen to me. Listen to my voice. Come back. Come back to me.” Nate pleaded, not wanting to see the man any longer. Jake didn’t turn his attention from his drink.

 

Instead, Nate had to watch the man's hand travel from Jake’s shoulders down to the small of his back. Nate felt sick watching the way the touched Jake with such familiarity. He felt Jake's fear as the group of me surrounded them.

 

“Jake. Jake. You need to hear me. Jake!” Nate begged as he saw the look of terror shoot across Jake's face when his hand wounded low on his stomach.

 

“Oh, are you one of those special kinds? A Kaiju Blue Baby? A mixed kinda breed to be bred.” The man spoke the words harshly, bitterly with an undertone that scared Nate.

 

He had heard the term once or twice, used in a demeaning fashion. He looked to Jake confused. He could feel in his body how tense Jake was. Before he could call for Jake to wake up, the was a large commotion.

 

Hand were grabbing at Jake, lots of hands. The devil and all his little henchman were pulling Jake from his stool. Jake cried, in surprise and terror. Around them no one moved to help.

 

“Jake. Jake!” Nate screamed. He tried to grab at the men but was no use. It was only a memory after all. “You have to fight them. Fight this. It’s not real!” He followed the group as they pulled Jake from the bar, in to the alleyway.

 

Jake fought, kicking free from the hands that held him. He got off several hard hits taking several men to the ground. The devil man stood back watching, amused. Nate was almost to distracted to notice the silver blade that shined in the man's hands. It caught a glimmer of the setting set, and Nate knew what would happen next.

 

“If I can’t have you. No one will.” The devil ordered.

 

“Jake!” Nate tried to warn the man, tried to save him. But he was to late. The knife slashed deep into the Jake's skin, a crimson trail following it as it ran from Jake's shoulder to his stomach. Nate felt the pain and fear as the knife embedded into Jake's body. He watched helplessly as Jake stood paralyzed against the wall. His body screaming in pain.

 

The blue and red lights at the mouth of the alley caught everyone’s attention. They fled, leaving Jake's limp, bleeding body against the wall.

 

“Oh, God. Jake.” Nate knelt beside him. His hand caressing Jake's face. “Just hold one. Hold one, Babe. It’ll be okay. Soon. Hold on.” Nate felt the screaming pain in his own body as their connection linking them.

 

Nate didn’t hear the words of the officer, he felt the pain as the paramedic pressed on the gushing wound. He held Jake’s hand as they were shifted into the ambulance. He kissed the man's knuckles, which were bloodily.

 

“Baby.” Jake said quickly. Quietly. The words not noticed by the EMT. But Nate did. A cold hand gripping his heart.

 

“Baby.” Jake spoke louder, his words strained and pained. It caught the men's attention. They removed the facemask, moving in closer to hear. “Baby. I’ve got… I can… baby. Save my baby.” Jake pleaded, his voice week. Nate felt him fading, even in the memory.

 

“Jake. No. No. You can't die. Jake. JAKE!” Nate ordered. He was snapped back into reality like a million-pound hammer. Everything crashing back down on him. He stood in the Jaegar, the handshake started only seconds ago.

 

Jake snapped back into the driveseat. He shifted, almost causing the Jaeger to fall. It took a long moment to remember how to function in the large body.

 

“Woah!” Jake couldn’t help but shout as he tried to adjust. He shifted, adjusted, remembering after five years. “Alright.” He finally sighed, the Jaeger stilling, steady on her feet. He watched as the handshake slowly increased. Jake finally turned his attention to Nate.

 

Nate stood beside him, breathing heavily. Jake looked at him confused, uncertain as to why Nate had tears in his eyes. Jake could still feel pain and fear radiating from him. A hand gripping his heart, wondering what Nate might have seen.

 

“Nate?” Jake questioned.

 

“Jake. Oh, God. Jake.” Nate breathed out, overwhelmed with the feelings that swirled inside him. His mind less on the moment and more on the memory that haunted him. He couldn’t stop looking at his gloved hands. He could still feel the stickiness of Jake's blood on his hand “Jake, what did just see? When did this… Were you…?”

 

“Nate, I can't… you shouldn’t have seen that… I never meant…” Jake tried to explain.

 

“Jake, please just…” Nate argued, tired of riddles and games. But his sentence was cut off as a missile landed hard against Gipy's shoulder.

 

“What the hell?” Jake asked, glad for the distraction. Around them missiles landed, raining glass down on the pedestrians below.

 

“What is that?” Nate questioned. His conversation with Jake on hold, but not forgotten. “Rogue Jaeger, you are in restricted space.” Nate ordered, hoping it would stop the large figure that approached them. It didn’t. Another missile landed hard against the building, bringing down the helicopter pad. They reached for it, Jake feeling the pain as Nate's injured arm extended beyond its tolerance.

 

“Arm malfunction. Rebooting in progress.” Gipsy explained. Nate bit hard into his cheek, to keep from screaming out. His muscles protested as they were pushed to the limit. Jake struggled, feeling the man's pain.

 

“Just another minute, it'll be aright.” Jake explained, Nate’s pain bleeding into his own arm.

 

“Reload complete.” Gipys explained. They both groaned in pain as the helipad was launched at the large figure.

 

They began to run, not even thinking as they began to fight. They synced, their bodies moving together as if once had. The last five years forgotten as they fought.

 

“Mako's been hit!” Jake pulled his attention from the other Titan. He watched the helicopter as it smoked and spun out of control. They collected several of the cars and sent them flying at the other Jaeger, running after the falling helicopter.

 

“Mako!” Jake yelled as the titan came up short, a finger just barely missing the helicopter. The jaeger landed hard, right into the middle of the street.

 

Jake didn’t even think as he disconnected from the driveseat. He didn’t even think. He didn’t even hear Nate as he yelled for him as jumped from the cockpit.

 

“Jake. Jake. Wait.” Nate called, disconnecting from the Jaeger. Fear filling him as he worried about the rouge Jaeger. “Jake. Jake. Wait.” Nate raced after him. “Jake!” Nate caught the man's shoulders, stopping him from starting into the fire.

 

“Mako! Mako!” Jake yelled, fear and loss taking over. He fought against the hands that held him back. “Mako.” Shock overtook him, and tears streamed from his eyes. His legs wobbled and if not for Nat's arms around him, Jake would have landed hard on the ground.

 

“I’m sorry, Jake. I’m so sorry.” Nate lowered the man to the ground. He pulled Jake to him, holding the crying man. “I’m sorry.” Nate could think of nothing more to say. He rocked the man slowly, hoping to comfort him.

 

Jake cried, unashamed. His head tucked in Nate's neck was a small comfort. He didn’t hear the man's words of reassurance. All he felt was the weight of the man's arms around him. He prayed that Nate would let him go, fearing that he might drift away without the man holding him.

 

“Come on,” Nate pulled the man from him. He didn’t miss the pained sound Jake made. “Just a second, Babe, I promise.” He stood, pulling Jake up after him, and into his arms.

 

He led them to the Helicopters. They had brought two new pilots, to bring Gipsy home. Neither Jake or Nate in any condition to pilot the titan. Nate lowered Jake into the seat, brushing off any hands that tried to help him. Jake was his.

 

“It's going to be okay. I’m going to do whatever I can. I’ll do anything, everything you need.” Nate promised. His hand caressed the man's face. Jake said nothing, his eyes closed, his tears have long since ran dry. His bottom lip still quivering.

 

“I promise. I promise Jake.” Nate took the man's hand in his, unwilling to let him go.

 

They didn’t speak, did not move as they flew home. Nate stroked his thumb along Jake's knuckles. He hoped that it was reassuring to the man. Jake gave him no feedback, his hand lying limp. His eyes were closed, his head down, shifting with each motion of the helicopter.

 

“Jake. Wake up. Jake.” Nate shook the man lightly, as they landed. Other approached, hoping to help, but Nate waved then away. “Jake. Come on. We're home. Babe.” Nate brushed his hand lightly along the man's cheek, waking him slowly.

 

“Nate?” Jake groaned out. He opened his blood shot eyes. Nate gave him a sad smile. The other man looked wrecked.

 

“Hey Babe, let’s get inside.” Mate quickly unbuckled him from the seat. Pulling him to his feet. Jake wobbled, emotionally and physically exhausted. Nate held him, his arms strong around Jake's waist. He held his head high as he led Jake inside. His arm around Jake's wrist and Jake’s arm around his shoulder.

 

Nate quickly navigated the halls, not stopping until he was at his quarters. He pulled Jake into his quarters, not caring who saw them. He had Jake in his arms, seconds later. He felt Jake’s body shaking once more.

 

“It’s alright J, let it out.” Nate ordered, lightly. With a bubbled sob, Jake began to cry again. Nate held him.

 

It could have been minutes, or hours. Jake didn’t know, or care. He cried until he had no water left in his eyes. He sobbed, his body shaking. Nate held him, unmoving and uncomplaining. Nate’s hand rubbing soothing circles into his back. Finally, after the tears had dried, Jake pulled himself away.

 

“I’m sorry.” Jake apologized, slightly ashamed of how much time and comfort he had already taken from the man.

 

“You don’t need to apologize.” Nate assured him. His hand reaching for the man, needing him. But Jake pulled away. “Please. Please don’t.” Nate pleaded. Jake’s lip quivered as he allowed himself to be pulled back into Nate’s arms. Jake let himself relax, soaking in the warmth of the man. “J, I’m so sorry.” Nate brushed the back of the man’s back, remembering how much the man liked the action.

 

“She was all the family I had left.” Jake bubbled, struggling not to cry once more.

 

“That’s not true. You know that’s not try.” Nate argued.

 

_You have me._

 

He could only hope Jake understood.

 

“Nate…” Jake tried to pull away, but Nate held him tightly.

 

“You have me. You’ve had me since we were five years old. Ever since you ran for miles with me… since you saved my life, over and over again.”

 

“Nate.” Jake bubbled out a sob.

 

“You’re not alone. You have me… and I have you.” Nate pulled away just enough to capture the man’s lips. Jake’s brain wanted to pull away, but his body refused to listen. He drank in the warmth of the man, and the connection they shared. Nate pulled away, resting their foreheads together. “I missed this… I missed you.”

 

“Nate...” Jake sighed. He had missed the other man also.

 

“Come on.” Nate pulled him into the small room. His hand wondering over Jake’s body. Slowly, he began stripping the man out of his drivesuit.

 

Jake wanted to argue, his brain telling him to run. So much had happened, Nate would never forgive him. But he couldn’t argue. The feeling of being so close to the man did something to him. He didn’t know he needed it, but all he wanted was to feel the man’s warmth.

 

“Nate.”

 

“SSHHH, J. I’ve got you.” Nate hushed him with soft hands on his skin. He finished striping the man, leaving Jake in nothing but his boxers. “Come on.” Nate motioned the man into the bed. Jake slipped under the covers, watching Nate quickly strip from his own drivesuit. He quickly slipped under the covers beside the other man. He didn’t hesitate to pull Jake to him.

 

“Nate.” Jake struggled to form words. He hated the idea of needing the man so much.

 

“I need you… I need to know you’re okay. Please, Jake, just let me have this.” Nate’s hand ran along Jake’s skin, rubbing soothing circles into the man’s flesh. His other hand holding Jake’s body close to him. He couldn’t stop himself as he peppered light kisses along Jake’s forehead and skin.

 

“I need you, at least for tonight. In the morning, if you want to go, I’ll let. But just let me have tonight. Please.” In that moment, he wanted nothing more than to have Jake’s skin against his. He still had a million questions, remembering all that they had shared in the drift, but it wasn’t the time.

 

Not after everything that had happened.


	5. No More Secrets

Jake’s eyes burned as he blinked awake. His mouth was dry and felt like it was full of cotton. He shifted in bed. He had been exhausted, physically, mentally. With is head resting on Nate’s chest, it was the best sleep he had gotten in a long time. Sharing the man’s warmth reminded him of old times, all the times he missed. Jake shifted, realized quickly that he was alone in the small space. He looked around confused. Catching a glimpse of the man, standing in the small bathroom. His was talking to someone, his voice low.

 

“Yes, Sir. Thank you.” Nate hit the button on his combracelet, quickly disconnected the phone call. He had seen Jake shifting on the bed and knew he would be awake soon. He wanted to get all the details figured out before he was up. Nate reentered the room with caution, aware of the eyes that followed him. “Hey,” Was all the could muster as he stood beside the small bed.

 

“Hey… uh… Thanks for last night.”

 

“My pleasure.” Nate couldn’t help but smile. He took the man’s hand, kissing his knuckles. His smile faded as he remembered the conversation he had just had with the General.

 

Whatever feeling on contentment that Jake might have had, went away when Nate’s smile fell.

 

“Mako’s funeral is at 13:00 hours.”

 

“Oh.” Jake’s heart fell. For a moment, he had forgotten, he had hoped it had been a nightmare. He hoped that the last five years had been a dream.

 

“You’re not alone J. I’ll be there with you. If you want.” Nate gave the hand he still held a reassuring squeeze.

 

“Thank you… for everything and for not asking… about what you saw in the drift.”

 

“We WILL talk about it. Soon.” Nate clarified. “But not now. Now, we need to get ready.” Nate pulled the man from the bed, stealing a quick kiss before pushing Jake into the showers. He already had two dress uniforms brought to his room.

 

Nate stripped the man of his boxers, trying to keep his hands as light as possible. His hand following the scar that ran across the man’s body. Now that he knew where it was from, Nate felt even more sorrow about the jagged wound.

 

Goose bumps covered Jake’s skin as the other man ran a hand over his body. It had been years since someone had touched him so intimately. Years since Nate had touched him. The sensation sent tremor though his body. Nate guided him under the warm stray of the shower. Jake relished in the warmth that surrounded him. The man’s hands were light as they washed him, spreading soap over Jake’s body.

 

Nate kept him motions soft and light as he washed the man. His actions innocent but could so easily become sexual. Nate had to stop himself, it wasn’t the time. They were getting ready for a funeral. Jake’s sister’s funeral.

 

_Not the time._

 

Nate finished washing the man, allowing Jake to hog the limited hot water they were allotted. He washed himself quickly, unwilling to leave Jake alone. He helped Jake from the shower, patting Jake dry with the fluffiest towel he could find. He dressed Jake in one of the uniforms. Taking time to make sure to kiss every inch of Jake’s skin. He tightened the tie and lowered the suit collar, making final adjustments to Jake’s outfit.

 

Jake couldn’t help the feeling the spread over him. Nate slowly cared for him, creating a warmth inside Jake. He hadn’t felt so loved in a long time, years. Not since he left the shatterdome all those years ago. Jake couldn’t stop himself, he captured Nate’s hand, pulling the man to him. He didn’t care about the wrinkles in the uniform. He captured Nate’s lips in a heated kiss.

 

Nate stood against the man in nothing but a towel. The last hour of being together, his focus on Jake and not himself. He kissed Jake back, pouring all his feelings into their connection. It was the first time in years he felt warmth, love. He had missed it. He had missed Jake.

 

“I missed you. I’m sorry I left… I couldn’t… there were things. Things about me you didn’t know. I just…” He was silenced as Nate kissed him again. It was hard and lingering.

 

“It’s okay. We don’t have to talk about that now. We have time. Right now, we need to get ready… to be prepared for what’s to come. The general wants you to have Mako’s flag.” Nate brushed his hand along Jake’s cheek. A coldness filled Jake’s heart. He and Mako had accepted the flag for their father. Now, he would be accepting her flag. “I’ll be right there beside you. I promise.” Jake gave a slight smile, as the man kissed him once more. It was a light kiss, one of recurrence.

 

“Let me get dressed. Then we can go grab some food, before the… ceremony.” Nate quickly set to work.

 

Once he was changed, his took Jake’s hand, leading him from the room. He sat Jake down at the table, refusing to let the man get his own food. Around them, everyone was in their most formal attire, ready to pay respects to all who had fallen. Nate paid them no mind. His attention on Jake. There had always been rumors of his and Jake's relationships. When they were young, they had tried to hide it. Now Nate didn't care. He loved Jake, and he wanted everyone to know it.

 

“Try to eat something.” Nate placed two trays of food down. Jake moved the food around, a sad frown on his face. “Please Jake.” Nate ran a hand along the man’s back, reassuringly. Reluctantly, Jake ate the food placed before him. It was mush in his mouth, bland and tasteless. But Nate was right, he needed to eat, needed his strength. It was going to be hard day.

 

“The funeral for General Mako Mori will begins in ten minutes.” The voice called over the speaker system. Jake’s body froze. Around him, everyone stood from the table. Beside him, Nate took his hand.

 

“It’ll be okay. I’ll be right beside you.” Nate helped him stand from the table. Nate’s hand on the small of his back led them from the messhall.

 

Jake didn’t hear what the man said during the ceremony. He was lost in memories. He remembered playing with Mako when he was young. She would watch him, on night Stacker was gone and mother had to work. Mako was his best friend, until he had met Nate. He had loved Mako, because she was his sister. If had never mattered that Mako had other parents, or that their skin wasn’t the same color. Mako was his sister no matter what. Now, she was gone.

 

_They are all gone._

 

A soft hand on his arm brought him back. Around him, everyone’s eyes were on him. Before him stood one of the officers, holding the nicely folded flag. Jake hesitated, before accepting it. His hands shaking as he took the triangle from the man. Everyone stood, paying their respects to the fallen comrade. Jake stood, his legs wobbly. Nate’s arm around his waist was the only thing keeping him from falling. The other slowly filed from the hall, but Jake stayed, unable to find the strength to move. Beside him Nate waiting, like he had been waiting for the last five years.

 

“I’m so sorry Jake.” Nate pulled the man into his arms. He could see the pain and sadness on Jake’s face. The only thing that could help him was time, Nate knew that. But he was willing to be stay by his side. He was willing to do whatever Jake needed of him. He kissed the man’s cheek as he tucked Jake’s head into the crook of his neck. He felt the man’s tears soaking into his shirt. Jake cried for a long time, his body shaking.

 

“Come on, J.” Nate pulled from the man, once Jake’s tears fell silent. He led the man from the hall, back to his quarters. Jake sat on the bed clutching the flag to his chest. Nate sat beside him, unknowing what to do. Deep down he felt the guilt building in his stomach. Maybe it his arm wasn’t so messed up, he could have been quicker, they could have reach Mako.

 

“Jake, I’m so sorry. If it wasn’t… If you had a better co-pilot, maybe you could have reach her… could have saved her.” Nate rested his head in his hand, disappointed in himself.

 

“What?” Jake questioned confused. In his state of sorrow and pain it was hard to comprehend what the man had said. “You’re fault? What…?”

 

“My shoulder… I couldn’t react fast enough. I couldn’t reach her. I couldn’t save her. I’m sorry.” Nate didn’t expect the lips that landed on his. He made a sound of surprise.

 

“It wasn’t your fault. It was the rough Jaeger, not you… not me.” Jake rested their foreheads together, reassured in the closeness they shared.

 

Closeness turned to passion as Jake kissed him once more. The flag abandoned, forgot in favor of running his hands along Nate's body. His hands beginning to strip Nate of his clothes. Nate ground out a moan as Jake's hand caressed him though his slacks. Jake shifted, their hips connecting. Jake push him down, pinning him to the bed. The possessive behavior for the man caused Nate to moan into their kiss.

 

“Jake. Jesus. Jake. Wait. Wait.” Nate hated himself for pushing the other away. After five years, he finally had Jake back. But he didn’t want it, not like this. “Jake. Stop.” Nate rolled from under the man and off the bed, forcing himself to focus on something other the softness of the other man's skin. He didn’t miss the look of rejection that passed across Jake's face.

 

“You don’t… you don’t want me?” Jake questioned confused.

 

“No. Yes. No. I don’t want you... like this.” Nate tried to explain. “J, I want you. I’ll always want you. But you're sad, and in pain… I don’t want you to regret anything that happens between us. I want you to come to me because you love me, and want to try to make us work, not because you think this is what I want. I’ve wait five years for you to come back, I’m not going to risk losing you again.” Nate explained, he approached Jake with caution, seeing the battle ragging inside the man. He sat down beside the man, taking his hand. Knowing that they both needed some form of connection to calm the emotion swirling inside them.

 

“Nate…”

 

“Jake, tell me what happened five years ago. Why did you leave? Why didn’t you tell me… tell me you were… different? Why didn’t you tell me about our baby?” Nate held tightly to the man, preventing him from getting away.

 

“Nate…” Jake wanted to argue. He wanted to run. But he was tired, emotionally, and physically. Mako's finally request ringing in his ears.

 

_You need to go to him, talk to him, and tell him what happened. He will understand. You could start over. Together._

 

“I didn’t know how to tell you. Everyone thinks people like me are… wrong… Monsters… different. That because of how we became… we would be like them… The Kaiju. That exposure to their blood meant we were like, or would go crazy and turn into one them. I couldn’t have you looking at me like everyone else does. It would… I just couldn’t live with myself.”

 

“Jake…”

 

“When I found out I was pregnant we were twenty years old, so much was in front of us. We had just graduated. You… we had such big plans, and a baby didn’t fit. My life could change, but it wasn’t your choice… you didn’t know what I was. I wasn’t going to ruin your life. So, I ran.” Jake explained. The weight of his confession caused the words to tumble from his mouth. Nate tried and failed to interrupt.

 

“The bar fight… The alleyway…  I lost so much blood and my body couldn’t keep both of us alive. I lost the baby... Your baby… our baby. I made a careless mistake going to that place... letting those people know what I was. I could not come back and look you in the eye, knowing what I had done.” Jake let the sorrow that filled him spill from his eyes.

 

“You said the scar was a reminder. A reminder of the baby?” Nate questioned. His hands still holding tightly to Jake, preventing him from running off. He know that Jake wanted to pull away, retreat.

 

“Yes. A reminder of the baby, you and all the bad decisions that I made. Nate, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you. When I left I broke every promise I ever made to you.” Jake ran his thumb along the scar below Nate's eye. He had left it on the man's skin. He hated himself for that. “I never meant to hurt you. I loved you. I disappointed you. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I can't be what you need… what you deserve. I’m a monster.” He sobbed.

 

“Please, don’t cry.” Nate brushed the tears from the man's eyes. “Please don’t say such horrible thing.” Nate kissing Jake's palm. He pulled Jake to him, cradling the man in his arms. “I'm not disappointed in you. I love you no matter how different you might be. I was sad and confused when you left. But Jake, we were going to have a baby… a child… a family. Something I never, ever thought I could have. We might have been young, and we might have struggled some, but we could have done it. Together.” Nate cupped the other man's face, kissing him lightly.

 

“I wish you would have told me. I wish I could have been there for you. You never should have gone through that alone. I would have come to you, I should have been there for you. I’m sorry I didn’t come after you. I was sad, and mad, confused and angry. I didn’t understand why you left, and I felt betrayed… for a long time. But I never stopped loving you. I still love you. So much.” He kissed the man again.

 

Jake sobbed, his body shaking. He drank up the feeling of the man around him.

 

“I never stopped loving you either." Jake clung to the man, feeling lighter than he had in years. His secret lighter when it was shared.

 

“Come on.” Nate shifted them until they were standing.

 

“Nate?” Jake asked confused as the blond led them from his quarters. Jake’s hand in his, Nate's shirt still hanging open.

 

“You kept the scar as a penance for what happened. But it wasn’t your fault, you didn’t need a reminder of all that pain." Nate stopped before the infirmary. "We're starting over. Right now.”

 

"Nate..." Jake wanted to argue. The scar was a reminded, his penance for losing his and Nate's child. He remembered his mistake every time he looked in the mirror or shifted just right. The monstrosity on his skin representing the monster he really was.

 

"No arguing. You're not some... villain. You're not a bad guy... or monster. You're just you and I love you. I want us to start again, fresh. I want all the scars gone, yours and mine."

 

"Why did you keep it?" Jake questioned confused. Jake had five years to access the scar unit and get it removed.

 

"Because I wanted to look at every day in the mirror and hate you for leaving it on my skin." Nate admitted. "But it never worked. It just made me feel sad, and alone. It made me question everything about myself, knowing that I wasn't enough... That I must have messed up worst then I could ever imagine for you to leave such a mark on me."

 

"Oh, Nate." Jake couldn't stop the tears that brimmed at his eyes. "It was never you, tell me you believe that." Jake begged, pulling the man to him.

 

"I know what, now." Nate hid his face in the man's neck, drinking in the feeling of being comforted. He had been so focused on Jake that he had forgotten what it was like to be held. He had missed it. "I want us to start over, catch up on the years we have missed together. And I want this to be our first step, together." Nate pulled away, kissing the other man lightly.

 

"Okay. Okay." Jake took the man's hand in his and pushed into the infirmary.

 

Nate paced in the waiting area. His scar had taken only minutes to fix. It was no more than an inch and only a couple layers deep. It nothing compared to Jake's scar. The other Ranger had been in the room for almost an hour, Nate was beginning to worry. He had already asked the receptionist three time. She shot him an annoyed look as he approached once more. He tried to smile, but the worry was evident on his face. But before he could ask, the door was opened.

 

"Hey," Nate sighed out in relief. He couldn’t stop himself as he pulled Jake into his arms, kissing him lightly. "I was getting worried. Everything okay?"

 

"Getting worried? The receptionist came back three times and asked for you. That seems like more than 'getting worried' sounds like you WERE worried about me." Jake teased.

 

"Alright. Fine. I was worried." Nate laughed. Jake couldn't help but smiled. He had missed Nate's laugh. Nate took his hand, leading them from the hospital.

 

They headed to the mess, to grab food. Jake smiled as he and Nate joked with the other Rangers at the officers table. But Jake's heart was still heavy. He allowed himself to be led back to Nate's quarters after they had finished eating. Although it wasn't late, and they hadn't been awake for that long, he was exhausted. He lay out on the bed, thinking.

 

"She always told me that I should come back, tell you what happened. She knew you would understand." Jake explained, his attention on the metal ceiling. Nate stood close by, messing with some book. He turned his attention back to Jake, an old photo in his hand.

 

"Remember this," He offered the photo to Jake. It was more worn than when they had exchanged it years ago. Jake could only wonder how often Nate looked at it. Jake remembered that day, he was eight. It was first family trip since his mother had died. It was their last family trips. One of the last time he had seen his father.

 

"You gave it to me, after everything that happened with my father. I remembered you said that you, Mako and Stacker would be my family, because my father wasn't good enough." Nate remembered that day like it was yesterday. His arm was in a sling for eight weeks. Eight weeks he couldn't drift. Eight weeks Jake refused to drift with anyone else. They had met in the ventilation, sneaking away from class so they could talk. Jake had given him the photo, wanting Nate to have it, fearing that his refusal to drift might get him kicked out.

 

"I looked at that photo a lot when you were gone" Nate admitted. "But I figured you should have it back; It's the only photo I knew you had of your family."

 

"Not the only picture." Jake was quickly off the bed and shuffling through his belonging. They had been moved to Nate's quarters at some point, by someone. Jake wasn't going to argue. He smiled as he pulled the photos out of him pack. It was one of things he had held on too and couldn’t bring himself to let go.

 

The creases were well worn, and Nate unfolded the photos gingerly. He almost cried when he saw the 20-year-old version of himself staring back at him. A younger Jake standing beside him. It was their graduation for the academy. They first moment as Rangers. Jake remembered that day well and that night even more. He had suck some beers on their celebratory camping trip, they had gotten drunk.

 

That was the first anyone had told Nate that they loved him. It was the first time he realized that he loved Jake. Their actions that night moved past the occasional 'accidental' caress, and friendly exchange of hand jobs. That was the first time they had sex.

 

Three months later, Jake was gone. Nate was alone and confused as how they could be so happy one minute and so far away from each other the next. Jake leaving nothing behind, but a new scar on Nate's skin.

 

Nate turned his attention to the other picture, letting out a sob. He ran his finger around the small, black and white figure. It didn't quite know what part he was seeing. The image was blurry and unfocused. The wear lines distorting the color. Yet, you couldn't stop the bubbled sob from excepting. It was the ultrasound photo of his child... His and Jake's child.

 

"Did you hear her heartbeat?" Nate questions, his attention never leaving the small photo.

 

"Yes. It was the first thing I did... after I left." Jake felt his heart shatter. He had heart the heartbeat of the child he had lost. Nate never the change. He hadn't even known it existed. "Nate, if I could, I would do so many things differently... Everything differently. I'm so sorry."

 

"Can we... can we have it again?" Nate pleaded, his tear-filled eyes finally turning to Jake. "can we go back to how things were before you left. Can you love me again?  Can you let me love you? One day, can we have this again... Together?" Nate offered the photo's back to Jake. Jake took them with shaky hands. He hadn't smiled in years, not a real smile like the once he shared in the photo. "Can we be a family again?"

 

"Please," Jake begged, his bottom lip quivering as the tears ran down his cheeks. He had missed Nate and who he was when he was with the man. "I missed you. I missed my family." He threw himself onto the bed and into Nate's arms.

 

For the first time in years, Jake finally felt like he was home.


	6. After the Battle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This Chapter Contains spoilers, and fantasies of Mpreg.

"Nate, tell me where you are Babe." Jake ordered. He and Amara had just crashed Gipsy into the titan Kaiju. The blue beast was dead, only a hundred feet away. Jake wanted to celebrate. He wanted to break down and cry. Most of all, he wanted to find Nate. He hated himself for having to eject the man from the Jaeger, but he had been hurt. Jake had no choice, it was all he could do to keep the other man safe. All he wanted to do was go to the man.

 

"Copter is pick me and the others up now," Nate replied, having to yell to be heard over the helicopter. Strong arms of the cadets helping him into a seat.

 

He couldn’t stop the pained sounds that crossed his lips. There was blood. A lot of blood. Worry filled him. Fear that he wouldn’t make it. Fear that he would lose Jake again, this time permanently.

 

"We'll be there to get in a couple minutes."

 

"Just hold on Nate, we'll be together again soon. I promise."

 

The helicopter was quickly there, picking them up. Jake jumped in, pulling Amara after him.

 

"Where's Nate?" Jake asked, beginning to panic.

 

"He's on the other copter. He was in really bad shape. They were taking him straight to Toyko." Victory explained.

 

"We need to go to Toyko." Jake ordered the pilot, over the mic system.

 

"I have orders to get you back to the shatterdome." The man argued.

 

"Toyko. Now." Jake ordered again, a cold look in his eyes.

 

"Yes, Sir." The man quickly shifted the helicopter.

 

The trip wasn't far. The helicopter had barely landed before Jake was bailing out. He had so much to say to the young rangers. They had lost a brother, after all. But there were other things to worry about. Nate needed him now.

 

Jake wondered through the halls of the hospital, still in his drive suit. His lip was split. He had a nagging pain in his side, knowing it was the phantom pain from where Nate had been injured. His head pounded, as the adrenaline wore off. His body ached, pushed to its limit and beyond. He was exhausted, but he couldn't stop. Not until he found Nate.

 

"Sir. Sir you need to come with us." A doctor and several nurses surrounded him.

 

"I can't. I need to find my co-pilot. Nate... Nathan Lambert. Ranger Nate Lambert. I need to know that he's okay."

 

"Ranger Lambert is in surgery, there's nothing you can do for him. But we can help you. If we don't get the bleeding under control, you will have to go into surgery as well." Jake looked at her confused, finally noticing the trail of blood that followed him across the floors. There were several puncture marks in his drivesuit where the blood seeped from.

 

"Yeah. Okay, Yeah." Jake finally gave in, collapsing into the wheel chair they offered him. He didn't make it off the floor before he had slipped into unconsciousness.

 

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> 

  _Jake woke to the sound of Nate’s voice. It was soft, soothing, almost musical. Jake blinked awake, looking around the room confused. He lay in a large, soft bed. The pillow beneath his head seemed to form around his head. Soft light filtered into the window, bathing the room in a soft glow. Jake ran his hand over his body, confused as he felt the tight skin over his abdomen. He looked to find his swollen stomach peeking out from below his shirt. He tried to sit up, unable due to the roundness of his belly._

_“How are you doing?” Nate questioned, his hand lightly pressed Jake back into the bed. His body followed to lay Beside Jake. “You shouldn’t be up this early. I know Junior here has been keeping you up all night.” Nate’s hand wondered to Jake stomach, rubbing slow circles into his skin._

_Jake couldn’t stop the sound that passed over his lips. Nate’s skin on him felt so good. He pulled Nate to him, kissing him passionately. The man’s soft caress turning him on. He could feel himself hardening below his large belly._

_“Nate.” Jake moaned. He used his hand to guide Nate to his throbbing erection._

_“What do you need, Baby?”_

_“You.” Jake pinched out as Nate cupped his length. “I need you to fuck me. Please!” Jake jumped in surprise as Nate stroked him. The other man only chuckled._

_“Okay. Okay. I know what you need. I’ll take care of you. I always will. Don’t get to worked up, I don’t want you straining yourself, or the baby.” Nate explained while shifted._

_He moved from lying beside him, to kneeling at his feet. He kissed up Jake’s body, working slowly. He nipped at the tender inside of Jake’s thigh, chuckling when Jake gave a pained sound. Pain turned to pleasure as Nate took his length down his throat. Jake could only see the top of the man’s hair over his stomach. He caught glimpses of Nate’s smirk as he began bobbing his head._

_Jake moaned in pleasure as Nate worked him, he grew closer and closer to him orgasm. His own hands wondering over his body. It seemed foreign to him, like he didn’t belong in it. He hands found the small, swollen breasts he was developing. He rubbed the buds, moaning at the shock that shot through him. His nipples had always been sensitive, but even more so as they developed to produce milk for their child. He grew closer just thinking about it. He tried to warn Nate of the buildup that swirled low in his stomach, he the only sound he could make was a moan._

_He has a horse shout as Nate sucked the release from him. Nate seemed unfazed as he continued to bob his head. Jake felt like ever muscle in his body was going to snap as he continued to come. Finally, he relaxed, lying limp on the bed. His brain gone, sucked out of him by the man. Nate sat up a smirk on his face._

_“God, I love you.” Nate leaned over Jake’s round belly to kiss him. He took great care not to put any weight on Jake’s bely._

_“I love you too, so much.” Jake wanted to pull the man to him and hold him forever. But he knew that wouldn’t happen with the large bump between them. He pulled Nate into another kiss, pulling away with a moan when he felt Nate’s length nudging at his entrance._

_“I love how responsive you are.” Nate nudged himself forward, just a bit. Jake moaned again as the head of the man caught in his folds. “Always so wet for me, ready for me to fill you up again. Don’t worry Jake, as soon as this one is born, I’ll put another baby in you and then another and another. I’ll give you big family you always wanted.” Nate Shifted again, rutting his hips into Jake. They both moaned. A soft hand on Jake’s ankle shifted his legs wider. Jake loved the feeling of the liquid inside his shifted as his hips moved. It made it feel more real. His thoughts  were brought back as Nate dipped a finger into him. They both moaned._

_“How can still be so tight. I fucked you three hours ago. Damn, Babe.” He slipped a second finger beside his first. Jake felt his cock throbbing as it followed the shape of his belly. His clit swollen as Nate added another finger, his thumb coming up to rub the swollen nub. Jake bucked into his touch._

_“Carefully Babe, I don’t want you hurting yourself.” Nate pulled away, a worried look on his face. “I know the doctors said it was fine, but I don’t was to risk it… risk you… or our baby. I love you, and never want to hurt you. You would tell me to stop right? If it got to be to much?” Jake would see all the emotions running through Nate’s eyes; fear distorting the blue._

_“Of course, I would tell you. I love you too. You would never hurt me… us. I trust you.” He pulled the man down for a kiss. I was hot, passionate as he tasted himself on the man’s tongue. “Nate fuck me, please. I need to feel you inside of me.” Nate moaned  as he shifted back onto his haunches. He shifted Jake’s legs wider, allowing himself better access. He used broad strokes as his licked into Jake’s core. Jake moaned._

_“Nate! Nate don’t tease me, Babe. I need you inside me. God! Please. I’m stretched good enough. You won’t hurt me. I’m so close. Please.” Jake begged. Nate shifted away, repositioning himself. His strong hands held Jake’s legs open. He leaned forward enough that he could stare into Jake’s eyes. A new level of euphoria surrounded Jake’s body as Nate slid inside him. All he could muster was a long moan._

_He wasn’t to cry. He wanted to moan. He wanted to never leave this moment. Nate began to move slowly. Long drags and slow thrusts forward. He pulled almost all the way, until the tip remained, before moving back inside once more. Jake wanted to weep as the man hit all the right spots inside him. He felt himself building as the man slowly took him._

_“Jake, Jake. Open your eyes. Look at me. Wake up, Babe. Wake up.” Nate's voice called him in._

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< 

Jake woke to the sound of his heartrate monitor beeping. It sounded fast, and he looked around confused. He had been having the best dream. The arousal tenting his hospital gown was evidence of that. He looked to find Nate in the hospital bed adjacent his. Nate’s face was sweaty, and his heat rate matched the sound coming from Jake’s machine. Slowly the Deeping slowed as they flowed from their dreams. The two monitors sounded like one as Jake and Nate’s connection kept them in sync.

 

“In my dream we were together. I was…”

 

“You were pregnant, in our bed, in our house. It was early morning.”

 

“You were fucking me.”

 

“I was making love to you, Jake. There is a difference. I wanted to watch you fall apart and put you together again. I wanted you to come with me inside you and our child safe between us.” Nate clarified. Jake moaned. “Do you want that too?” Nate questioned, concerned.

 

“Yes. Please. Yes.” Jake wound him under his hospital gown, grabbing his length. He stocked himself quickly, ignoring the pain in his side. He didn’t know if it was his pain, or ghost pain from Nate. Either way it wasn’t enough to stop him. “Nate, please, Nate. I need you!” Jake struggled to find his pleasure. He needed more, but he didn’t know exactly what.

 

He jumped when a hand touched his naked thigh. He opened his eyes to see Nate beside his bed. The man’s body looked tired, dark bags hung under his eyes. He hunched, like standing pained him.

 

“Nate…?” Jake questioned concerned. He had wanted to man at his side, truly. But Nate had been in surgery for what Jake could only was hours. He shouldn’t be out of bed. “What… What are you doing?” Jake questioned. But he fell silent as the man gribbed his length in hand. “NATE…!”

 

Jake’s protest died in his throat as Nate stroked him. A croak was all the sound he would make as he came. He had been so close, it hadn’t take much. His tired muscles screaming in protest as his body convulsed. His breath caught in his throat, the monitor beside the bed beeping frantically. His eyes never left Nate’s intense blue gaze.

 

Jake was more than glad that he was in a bed. If he hadn’t been, he would have collapsed in a boneless heap. His muscles relaxing as he sank into the bed. He took first notice of Nate’s shaking legs, feeling through their connection the pain Nate was feeling. Pain he willingly felt just to be beside him. Nates hands holding tightly to the bed railing the only thing keeping him on his feet. Using the last of him strength, Jake quickly pulled Nate over the rail and beside him in the small bed.

 

Nate gave a small sound in surprise but did not protest. Instead he sank into the soft bed beside Jake. The small space something they were accustomed to sharing. Nate shifted, hissing in pain as he put pressure on the new skin above his ribs. It would take some time for the nerves to adapt to the new implants, until then he would be sensitive.

 

"You screamed and fought until they put us together." Nate explained as he lay his head on Jake’s shoulder. Jake kissed his forehead in a soft, loving manner.

 

“I looked for you, but they had you in survey. I always want to be with you. Always.” Jake tipped his head to kiss him softly. “I’m sorry, so sorry I ejected you from Gipsy. It was all I could do to keep you safe.”

 

“It’s okay. I couldn’t keep going. If you hadn’t, I don’t think I would have made it.”

 

“I wouldn’t have let anything happen to you. I promise.” Jake held the man to tightly.

 

“I was so scared for you. I didn’t want to lose you. But I know you could do it. I know you would save us. Save us all. I am so proud of you. Mako and Stricker would be proud of you also.” Nate cupped his face and kissed him softly.

 

“Us. You’re proud of us.  I couldn’t have done it without you… and the recruits.” Jake kissed him back, hoping to convey the pride he felt from Nate.

 

They lay silently together, content in the warmth they shared. After everything that had happened, at least they still had each other.

 

“You know, the nurse is going to come in her and made me go back to my bed.”

 

“I’d like to see them try.” Jake chuckled, holding Nate tightly. Nate chuckled and snuggled closer to the man he loved.


	7. Epilogue

Strong arms wrapped around Jake’s waist and he didn’t hesitate to lean back into the man’s embrace. They were both sweaty and hot. Rebuilding Jaegers was demanding work. Only two weeks ago, they had all attended the funeral for the heros who had fallen. It was a sad day, no Jaegers stood at the funeral of the fallen pilots. The new Rangers had wept for their fallen bother. Jake and Nate stood tall, doing all they could for their trainees, holding them when they needed it, providing words of reassurance. Allowing themselves to cry in each other’s arms when the others weren’t around. They had lost so much.

 

In the week since, they had began rebuilding. The Shatterbome had been redesigned, better. Using the parts from the destroyed Jaegers, a new generation was created, Amara the mastermind behind the new modern design. Others were in preproduction; they were big, better, and stronger. No one said it, but they were all still in danger.

 

But that was a battle for the future. Jake had other priorities.

 

“I’m looking forward to our date tonight.” Nate kissed the man’s neck, holding him closely. Jake interlocked their fingers together. Their relationship had grown even stronger as the weeks passed.

 

“I gotta finish some work, then I’ll head back to my room and get changed and cleaned up.” Jake explained with a kiss.

 

“Don’t be late.” Nate ordered with a smile, he gave Jake one last kiss before pulled away. They had a lot to do. They had both been promoted to General, putting even more pressure on them. But they were more than able to slip away for a date now and again. Jake finished working, his mind not on his work but on the man waiting for him.

 

“You better go. General.” Amara quickly snatched the tool from Jake’s hand. “You’re going be late for your date.”

 

“Thanks, kiddo.” Jake winked at the girl, as he brushed off his shirt. He was covered in sweat and dirt. Not ready for his date. He was quickly away, dashing off to his quarters.

 

Jake had cried when Nate moved him out of his room. It was only days after the funeral, and Jake had been fragile. He didn’t understand the man’s need to reject him. Nate tried to explain how he wanted Jake to have his own space. How he was going to treat Jake right and they were going to take things slow.

 

Jake had been so distraught that he cried until he was unable to breath, powerless to understand what was happening. Nate had held him, never letting him go, even when Jake fought against the arms around him. Nate's soft words reassured him, slowly explaining his reasoning.

 

Now, weeks later, Jake understood as he stood naked in the small space. The quarters were small, not big enough for two people. If they had stayed together in one space, the two of them would have been stepping all over each other. Although they still shared a bed most nights, it was nice having their individual spaces. Their connection keeping them together, even when separated.

 

But Jake always seemed to have the man on his mind. He really wished there was a way they could be together, wished that the Shatterdome had larger living quarters. Jake sighed as he dressed. They had been on several “dates” now. They had gone into Tokyo for dinner a couple times, other times they sat together eating Mess food around the destroyed shatterdome. They lay together in bed, curled around each other.

 

Frustration grew in Jake's body. He and Nate hadn’t moved past a couple shared hand jobs and passionate kisses. Instead he would pull away, insisting that they wait. Jake huffed, frustrated. But he loved Nate, no matter how irritated and sexually frustrated he was.

 

A knock on the door caught his attention. He finished buttoning his shirt as he answered the door. Nate smiled at his from the other side of the threshold.

 

“Are you ready?” Nate questioned, stealing a kiss.

 

“Yep.” Jake closed the door, taking the man's hand in his. “Where are we going?”

 

“It's a surprise,” Nate smirked. Jake rolled his eyes, but smiled. Nate had never steered them wrong yet.

 

Jake gave the man a questioning look as he opened the door to the jeep. But Nate only held the door open, motions him in. They didn’t talk as they drove away from the large, shattered dome. Jake's gaze falling on the familiar sights as they followed the route they once ran as cadets.

 

The area had been closed after Nate's ‘accident’. A new safer, paved trail had been made. The once familiar, worn path had become covered in lush grass and undergrowth. Yet Jake knew it well. When Nate pulled the Jeep over, miles from the Dome, Jake knew exactly where they were.

 

The last time had been on graduation night. This is where they had gotten drunk, where they first lay together. If Jake tried hard enough, he could still feel the dirt under his skin as they rocked together as one. Jake hesitated to get out of the car as Nate stood,  holding the door for him.

 

“Nate?” Jake questioned confused.

 

“This is where it began for us.” Nate explained, taking a folder from the visor. Jake watched him confused, cording in worried. Nate must have felt it, he took Jake's hand in his. “This is where I want our lives to continue.” He passed over the file. Jake hesitantly took it.

 

“You bought the land?” Jake questioned after reading and rereading the paperwork several times.

 

“Yes. Five acres all around us.” Mate flipped through the pages, stopped when he found the floorplan he had mocked up. Worry filled him, fearing that Jake wouldn't like his idea. He hesitated before passing it to Jake. “Building is starting next week.”

 

Jake studied the picture. The house would be large. Five bedrooms, three  baths, a large kitchen. But the word nursery caught his attention. He wanted to have a family, with Nate. He passed the pictures back to Nate, feeling dumbfounded.

 

“You don’t like it?” Nate questioned, feeling a mix of emotion from the other man. “I wanted us to have a home, some place to call our own. I thought this would be the best place. Not to far from the Dome, but far enough to separate ourselves. A big area to be together, to be a family.”

 

“I love it.” Jake didn’t hesitate to throw his arms around the man. Nate held him tightly, the wave of doubt washing away with the closeness they shared.

 

“I was worried you wouldn’t like it. I tried to think of everything you might like or need. The floor plan is not set in stone yet, if you want we can change where things are located or the color of things, this was just a guess and I don’t know… “ Jake silenced the man's rambling with a kiss. Nate drank him in.

 

“I love it, just the way it is.” Jake pulled away from him, resting their foreheads together. “There is one thing missing, thought.”

 

“What?” Nate asked confused, looking at the design sheet.

 

“We don’t need a nursery, if we don’t have a baby.” Jake smirked, kissing the man before he would speak. He held the man close, their body’s pressed together. He bucked his hips into the other man, the friction causing them both to moan.

 

“Okay. Alright.” Nate pulled away. Jake huffed in annoyance, trying to pull the man back. Nate only laughter, going to the back of the jeep. “But this time, it'll be better.” Nate pulled out the large cabin bag. Jake smirked as he moved to help.

 

Setting up the camp was a quick process . It would have been even quicker if they hadn’t stopped every couple of minutes to steal heated kisses and grope each other. But the time the last bolt was in, both men were hard. Nate pushed open the cabin door, pulling Jake through the threshold of the door.

 

The area wasn’t big, but was larger than their quarters back on base. The space would feel a lot bigger if it wasn’t for the large bed that dominated the middle of the room. Jake loved technology, and the fact that the small cabin could be shrunk down to a portable size when needed, but could withstand rain, wind, and the strong storms. They anchored the house down well enough that it should stay until the house was finished. Jake smiled at the motion.

 

Soon he would be coming home from a hard days work, to a house Nate had build for them. It would be his home, their home, a place to raise their children. He pulled Nate to him, kissing his passionately.

 

“ I love you.” He state quickly between kisses.

 

“I love you too.” Nate replied, pulling away just enough to strip Jake from his shirt.

 

Soon, they were both naked, falling into the bed together. They kisses, their legs swirling together. The moaned as their naked bodies slid together.

 

“Nate please. Please! I’ve been waiting so long. Waiting for you. Please. Please take me!” Jake ordered, pent up frustration threatening to break through. Nate kissed him with a moan. But he pulled away, hesitant.

 

“I didn’t bring protection.” He started, holding Jake tightly. Fearing the man might slip away. Jake kissed him once more passionately.

 

“I wouldn’t have let you use it if you had.” Jake clarified. He was ready, they were ready. It was time to start their family. “I want you to fuck me. I want you cum inside me. I want to carry your child… our child. Please Nate.”

 

Nate only moaned loudly, pulling the man into another passionate kiss. Jake kissed him back, hungry for the taste of the man. He moaned loudly when a finger breached him. Nate distracted him from the stretch of a second finger by plunging his tongue in to explore his mouth.

 

“God, Babe, your so tight.” Nate moaned, adjusting Jake hips around his waist. I slowly added another finger, stopping to add some lube he had brought with him. Jake was wet, but Nate wouldn’t risk it. Jake hissed as the cold liquid mixed with the warmth of his body.

 

“You’re the only one... Only one to be inside me. Haven’t fucked anyone… only you.” Jake explained his body driven crazy from the man's actions. He head falling back as Nate's hand moved. But Nate froze, taking Jake's attention.

 

 “Nate? What’s wrong?” Jake questioned. The other man had stopped moving, three fingers still trapped inside the man. His eyes searching for something on Jake's face.

 

“You’re the only I’ve ever fucked either. There were a couple times, I came close, while your were gone. But I never went through with it… I just.. they weren't you.” Nate explained.

 

“Nate, will you marry me?” Jake blurted the question out. Nate  gave him a surprise look.

 

“Really? Your going to ask me that while I have three fingers inside you and then seconds away from busting a nut?” Nate asked, dumbfounded. Jake laughed.

 

“It seems we are meant to be together. After everything, almost dying repeatedly, losing so much, almost losing each other. I want us to be together. I want to marry you, live in your new house with our children. I want you. Forever.” Jake explained. Nate smiled, pulling him up for a kiss. Jake kissed back, lining himself up with the man's length and slowly lowered himself down. Nate pulled from the kiss, giving a throaty moan.

 

“Jake!” Nate warned. He could feel the discomfort from Jake's tense body. The man was right like a vise around him.

 

“I just need… give me a second.” Jake breathed. The stretch bordered almost painful. It had been years since Nate was inside him. It would take a minute to relax. The hand that wound down his body caused him to jump he moan as the motion rocked his hips and shifted the girth inside him. He whimpered as Nate's hand found his length.

 

“Nate!” Jake warned, he was so close to the edge already, he wouldn’t last. But Nate didn’t stop he ran his thumb over the slit of Jake's cock, sending a shiver though this body. “Please.” Jake begged, he rocked his hips slowly, working himself open around the flesh inside him. Two more strokes and Jake was cumming. His body stick straight as he reached his high.

 

Nate lay him out on the bed, still buried inside him. They kissed softly, as Jake's body went limp. All the muscles in his body worked beyond the point of strained. Nate gave a small thrust forward, testing the tightness around him.

 

“I’m going to take you apart. Piece by piece,” Nate explained as he kissed down Jake's neck, and nipped at this ear. Jake could only moan. Strong hands speak him legs as Nate's body slowly began thrusting into him. Jake held tightly to him. The stretch turning to pleasure as Nate worked him torturously slow. 

 

“I’m going to fill you up. By the time we leave this place you’ll be carrying my child.” Nate smirked, his hand resting low on Jake's abdomen.

 

“Please Nate. Please.” Jake begged . He pulled Nate into a hand kiss. Nate's hand wondered past his spent cock and found the folds on Jake's cunt. His thumb ripped that bundle of nerves at the base of Jake's body.

 

“NATE!” Jake screamed as the man applied just the right mix of please and pain. Jake's back arched off the bed, and pleasure over took him. Nate continued to thrust, only getting three more shifts before slamming in tightly and emptying inside the man.

 

Nate collapsed over the other man. Their sweaty bodies colliding on the large bed. Both their bodies shook with aftershock. Their connections feeding off one another, doubling the pleasure.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Yes what?” Jake asked confused. Nate's head was tucked in his shoulder and Jake almost missed the words.

 

“Yes, I will marry you. I want to marry you, live in your new house with our children. I want you. Forever.” Nate explained, kissing the man passionately.

 

“I love you, Nate.”

 

“I love you too, Jake.” Nate’s hand rested low on Jake's stomach. Jake interlocked their fingers together. One day their child would sit safely below their fingers.

 

They kissed for a long moment, content in the space of the other man. They both knew that were was so much at stake. They had saved the words, yet the enemy was still out there.

 

In that moment, all that mattered was the two of them.

 

Soon to be three of them.

**Author's Note:**

> I claim rights to ALL third party characters and/or idea not limited to story/plot but excluding any rights to main and/or secondary characters within the franchise, and claim on the franchise itself.
> 
> Estimated Friday/Saturday/Sunday chapter updates. This allows me to have the week to write, as a way to escape homework, my job and basically life. On rare occasions more than one chapter maybe be uploaded. Chapter may also end in cliffhangers. You have been warned


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